I am a dad, husband, son, mortgage holder, weed wacker, dishwasher loader, grill master, friend to my neighbors and no friend to any vermin or insect attacking my foundation. Occasionally, I get to watch the game but more often I am coaching where dribbling and passing are an art form. Instead of beers and Thursday-night fights, I am rushing through airports trying to catch a Thursday-night flight that will get me home before the kids go to bed. I am a petrified man in perpetual motion.
I am graying from head to toe while my gray matter takes in more but processes less than ever before. I am pot bellied though I no longer have munchies because I’ve ceased smoking pot. I am sandwiched between aging parents and teenagers who are aging me overnight. I am debt-laden from spending too much and guilt ridden from not spending enough time with everyone I love.
I am as dutiful, devoted and diligent as a loyal dog though I am often in the dog-house with family and friends. I can be as stubborn as a mule and after a few cocktail-fueled school fundraisers, a bit of a loudmouthed ass. I am a social animal constantly trying to keep the wolves of time and affliction at bay. I am a suburban sheep in middle-aged clothing.
I am most happy at home but most I’m often driving down some other town’s roads with the GPS in control. What I’m looking for I sometimes don’t even know. I have a room full of tools and a contacts list filled with contractors, painters and plumbers. Instead of concert crowd surfing or surfing the U.S.A., I am more often feverishly surfing Web MD. What ailment or cure I’m looking for I’m not even sure.. I am proud of what I have accomplished so far in my life… and disappointed about the opportunities, places and friends I’ve missed along the way.
I am the American dream, college-educated, happily married, homeowner and breadwinner. I am what I hoped to be, surrounded by the sweet suburban sounds of backyard laughter and early-morning lawnmowers. I banter. I contribute. I make it possible for my children to set up lemonade stands even when life has tossed lemons my way. I may moan and groan but I am a grown-up ready and willing to grow into old age gracefully. This brings me comfort even when life is uncomfortable.
I am the suburban man, elliptical obsessed… though sometimes short circuited by the daily grind of overpriced ground coffee. And I have a voice – ironic, sardonic, quixotic. And I am ready. Ready to share my views from the peeling cedar deck of my life. Sometimes funny. Sometime reflective. But always something we – this mortgage paying, belt tightening, child rearing, wine guzzling, vacation planning, corporate serving, someday retiring generation – can relate to.
So join me for genial pot shots and rib-tickling anecdotes from the picket-fenced, green, green grass of home. It may just help you feel more at home than you’ve ever felt before.