What does Fox Say?

Chugging along on the elliptical, seeming to go nowhere yet moving as fast as I could, I didn’t hear the familiar voice calling my name. “What’s going on? You look like you’ve dropped some pounds.” “Yep. Trying to get to the gym every day. Not always so easy. Work is crazy. Kids’ practices drive me …

The Butcher. The Baker. The Custom Cabinetmaker.

“Do you want to go over and see Elise and Rob’s new outdoor kitchen?” “What’s an outdoor kitchen?” “They built a full kitchen next to their patio. Top-of-the-line everything. So they can cook outside all summer long. And it has a built-in spit. They can roast a whole pig!” “Why would they want to do …

Thank you. No, Thank you!

“Thank you to Missy Jones-Flores, Betty Blue and Leslie Holler for serving as chairs of our annual Teachers’ Tea and Tasting. What would tea be without these three ladies and their tea-bagging skills?” “Kudos to Mark Mack, Mary Mack and the entire Mack family for providing bales of hay for our sugar, nut and gluten-free …

To Tell the Truth?

As we sat in the movie, just us, no kids, my wife’s cellphone began to vibrate. I continued to watch the movie. My wife, who had left the theater to take the call, quickly came down the aisle and motioned for me to leave. I flew out the theater doors, still clutching my over-sized popcorn. …

Talk of the Town

“You won’t believe the story I’m about to tell you!” Out to dinner with another couple, we listened rapt as our friend shared her news. “Our daughter’s good friend’s father is going to jail for tax fraud. I feel so bad for his wife and kids even though he’s guilty. We just found out last …

Help! Wanted for the Want Ads

Back in the days when print media ruled the suburban sprawl of America, The New York Times reigned supreme. From the crack of dawn, from one driveway to the next, you could find the newspaper waiting patiently for tasseled or slippered feet to arrive. Scooping the paper into their hands, subscribers would devour it from …

Oh, Deer. Bambi and the things that get bumpers in the night

Last night, a deer hit me. Or should I say, I got in a deer’s way. As I left my regular Tuesday-night tennis game (where four aging men still believe Wimbledon is a possibility), I descended leisurely down the dark country road towards home. As I listened to the mellow sounds of Sirius XM, trying …

Climb Every Mountain: Propositions and Pick-up Lines on the Suburban Party Circuit

As I walked across the room on a cool spring night, I looked at the action in progress. Scores of teenagers flew by me, clad in oversized sparkly glasses, hats and colorful socks. They sprinted from photo booths to the kid’s lounge, depositing their goods procured from hyped up, jacked-up DJ dancers hired to tantalize …