Four teenage girls piled into my car, clad in their Mario Brothers matching outfits – one set of green, one set red. The ritual of Halloween parties and trick-or-treating (more of a coming together of suburban teenage texters and tweeters) now officially over, the girls with their straightened hair and braces-less shiny white teeth Snapchatted …

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Chugging along on the elliptical, seeming to go nowhere yet moving as fast as I could, I didn’t hear the familiar voice calling my name. “What’s going on? You look like you’ve dropped some pounds.” “Yep. Trying to get to the gym every day. Not always so easy. Work is crazy. Kids’ practices drive me …

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When I first got my driver’s license many moons ago, I was ecstatic at the prospect of the open road. I could drive anywhere and everywhere I wanted (or as far as my gas money or my dad’s gas card would take me). Errands for my mom? No problem. Pick up five friends and stuff …

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“How was the fundraiser last night? A lot of people?” “The usual suspects. You know, the elementary school schmooze at warp speed.” “Get anything good at the silent auction? Last year, I bought a bunch of gift certificates.” “I got two tickets to a concert. My buddy Jeff yelled at me for underbidding and told …

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“You look exhausted. Everything okay?” “All good. Was up late last night. Didn’t get enough sleep.” “Lucky you. We were both out cold by 10.” “Not that. The game ended and I was about to turn off the TV when… you know… I flipped around, and it was on. Once it’s on, I have to …

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“Do you want to go over and see Elise and Rob’s new outdoor kitchen?” “What’s an outdoor kitchen?” “They built a full kitchen next to their patio. Top-of-the-line everything. So they can cook outside all summer long. And it has a built-in spit. They can roast a whole pig!” “Why would they want to do …

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“Thank you to Missy Jones-Flores, Betty Blue and Leslie Holler for serving as chairs of our annual Teachers’ Tea and Tasting. What would tea be without these three ladies and their tea-bagging skills?” “Kudos to Mark Mack, Mary Mack and the entire Mack family for providing bales of hay for our sugar, nut and gluten-free …

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As we sat in the movie, just us, no kids, my wife’s cellphone began to vibrate. I continued to watch the movie. My wife, who had left the theater to take the call, quickly came down the aisle and motioned for me to leave. I flew out the theater doors, still clutching my over-sized popcorn. …

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I stood at the finish line, waiting for my daughter to come flying through, covered in sweat and a dusty rainbow of colors. She was running a 5K in support of pediatric cancer, joyously pelted by volunteers with washable pastel paint. As I watched the various runners stumble home with victorious chants cascading through the …

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“You won’t believe the story I’m about to tell you!” Out to dinner with another couple, we listened rapt as our friend shared her news. “Our daughter’s good friend’s father is going to jail for tax fraud. I feel so bad for his wife and kids even though he’s guilty. We just found out last …

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Lost in Suburbia

based on the syndicated humor column by Tracy Beckerman